A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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