I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
