i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The adults are the big ones right?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
