Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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