So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
