So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
