I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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