so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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