Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
