My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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