When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
