I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
