you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
