First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
