Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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