just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
