i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
