No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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