Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
