Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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