You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
