Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
