Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
