I wish I only lived at night.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
