The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
