am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize