Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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