We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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