The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
