Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
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How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
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We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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