My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
