you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
