20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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