I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
