I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
