VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
