if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
