Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
