it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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