Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
