The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
