is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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