I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
