420 ftw
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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