Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
