I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My pussy is not your playground.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
