I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
