my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
how do flat chested girls get laid?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
