Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
