I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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