My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
