Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
