I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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