You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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