Got a toothbrush?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
