you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
