I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
