when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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