I'm jealous of your bromance
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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