Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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