Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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