so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
