another moral hangover. fuck.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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