It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i think i just lost a toe
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