69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Less talking, more tequila
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
