Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
