You really coming over, don't trick.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
whose parrot is this?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
