we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
