Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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