Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
