I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
