I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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