i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
