so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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