dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
