i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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